Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Happy Birthday to ME!

In celebration of my recent 30th birthday (30! And I feel just the same as when I was a 20-something, can you believe it?), I would like to say a few things.

1. I am married to the most amazing guy. John secretly planned for my mom--MY MOM!!!--to fly in the night before my birthday. As a surprise! I love my mom, I love surprises, and I love birthdays. It was the best combination of events ever. (John and Mom, you've set the bar awfully high for future birthdays. I don't know that this can ever be topped.)

2. I have not yet, and probably will never, outgrown my love of dressing up and feeling "fancy" and going to an event. We went to a play at the Round Barn Theatre of Amish Acres in Nappanee, and I was the only one there in a dress. With a matching spring-y handbag. I looked completely out of place, and I felt fabulous. (That may be due, in large part, back to item #1. John kept telling me I looked stunning. Thank you, love.)

3. I have no intention of letting this birthday slip silently into the past. I want to keep celebrating. So, in that spirit, I am hosting a giveaway. I have a fun little handmade present that I want to send to the winner of my newest contest. These are the rules.
a. Post your favorite (clean) joke in the comments.
b. I (being the birthday diva I am) will pick the joke I like the best on Saturday, April 25, and mail a prize to the submitter of said joke.

Can it get any simpler than that? I submit that it can not. So joke away.

To kick this off, I want to share my favorite joke from high school (and it's still one I like quite a bit).

Q: What's the difference between elephants and plums?
A: Their color.
(wait for it)
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
A: "Here come the elephants!"
(wait for it)
Q: What did Jane say?
A: "Here come the plums." She was colorblind.

Hardy-har-har, I know. But it got me nearly kicked out of my 11th grade Sports Medicine class for laughing so hard.

Go ahead, my friends. Make me laugh.


Lindsay said...

Happy Birthday! What a great surprise for your mom to visit!

Here's my joke (I felt like I had to post one since I wanted to wish you a happy birthday)...

What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt.

Jake said...

I still can't stop laughing about the plum.

Sara said...

Why did the airplane crash?
Because the pilot was a tomato.

There's something about high school jokes. . .

Happy, Happy Birthday!

Mags said...

how and why did i not remember your birthday? must be cause i'm 30 and forgetful....that wasn't my joke.

hmmmm let's see, all the jokes i know right now are associated with potty humor thanks to two boys in elementary school but how 'bout this.

where does the lone ranger take his trash?

to the dump to the dump to the dump dump dump!

i think it's funny because of the word dump. i think in honor of you turning 30 i will send you a little "giveaway" of my own stay tuned!

the 0 8 joke cannot be topped!

Beth said...

Well, what a great way to celebrate! Happy birthday =) I was just telling Kurt how I don't get most jokes so he offered up this little number...

A lady wakes up from surgery after being in an accident and says to her doctor "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replies sympathetically "I'm so sorry... we had to amputate your arms."

Best wishes birthday diva!

Outlandish McCandlish said...

Happy Birthday!!!
This is a joke that Dragon used to tell all the time and loved.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo who?
Don,t cry it's only a joke.

Well I tried.

adventure knitter said...

Happy Birthday! I didn't know you're an april baby too! (my b-day is saturday) No jokes from me. I'm all for the corny one-liner/comeback... But what an awesome birthday surprise!

Mags said...

okay i just have to submit this, because my dad tells it all the time and i never got it when i was little.

a man says goodbye to his girlfriend and soon after began having flatulence problems every time he past gassed it sounded like someone shouting "HONDA" and around the same time he developed an irritating tooth ache! well he decides to visit the dr and after a very thorough examination he stands back and says: "i have your diagnosis"
"well doc," says the man, "what is it?"
the good dr. reply's, "abscess makes the fart go honda!"

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday!! I am glad you got such a great suprise for such a big ocassion. Here is an oldie but a goodie.

How does Noah fish?

Very Carefully, He only has 2 worms.

Jeff and Larissa said...

That zero/eight/belt joke is funny! Okay, I've been racking my brain because I want one of those cute bags so bad! I have 2, so here goes.

Q: Where does the General put his army?
A: In his sleevey.

Q: What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal while eating a clown?
A: Does this taste funny to you?

Buh dum ching!
Yes, that was my best effort! They're Laffy Taffy jokes, okay?!

Brooke S said...

A woman gave her husband for his
60th birthday a genie and he got three wishes.
Wish 1: Have 1 million dollars
Poof, he had 1 million dollars
Wish 2: Have a yacht
Poof, he got a yacht
And finally Wish 3: Be married to a women 30 years younger than me.
Poof, he was 90!
Happy B-day

Sara said...

Hey Emilee,
This is Joe. Glad you guys had such a good time on the Spring trip. Us too. Although I really am allergic to you guys.

Ok, I freaking love this joke:

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.

I SOOO hope I win the bag!

Bonnie said...

Good thing I read everyones jokes first....Brooke you took my joke! oh well I will still give you one....

Why is six so afraid of seven....Because seven 'ate' nine.

I'm a blonde so I must add a blonde joke....

Why did the blonde drowned in the pool....because someone put a scrach and sniff sticker on the bottom.

Jake said...

Alright here's a long one.

Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day.

The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine.

As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, "Head up or head down?"

"Head up," said the doctor.

"Blindfold or no blindfold?"

"No blindfold."

So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped barely an inch above the doctor's neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.

Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine.

"Head up or head down?" said the executioner.

"Head up."

"Blindfold or no blindfold?"

"No blindfold."

So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped an inch above the chemist's neck. Well, the law stated that if the execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the chemist was set free.

Finally the engineer was led up to the guillotine.

"Head up or head down?"

"Head up."

"Blindfold or no blindfold?"

"No blindfold."

So the executioner raised his axe, but before he could cut the rope, the engineer yelled out:

"WAIT! I see what the problem is!".

What can I say my brother's an engineer.

dtravelbug said...

Q: Where is Engagement, Ohio?

A: About halfway between Dayton and Marion.

Story Family said...

I can't believe I'm one of the very last to wish you a very happy, if not belated, birthday. It does sound like it was happy indeed. Way to go, John! What a great gift!!

The Pynes said...

Welcome to the next great decade!

Renae said...

Happy Birthday Emilee! Welcome to the fabulous 30's.

The only, non polock joke I know. (I'm not racist, just grew up in Arizona and that's the kind of joke kids told).

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac and an atheist?

A person who stays awake at night wondering if there's a dog. :)

Kate said...

I've been laughing so hard at the jokes.
I don't have one of my own... but I do have to say that I grew up in AZ too... and I don't think I ever heard any Polack jokes. ;)
Hope your bday was great!

Logan said...

Happy belated Pemilee.

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot.

That's my favorite Laffy Taffy joke. But here's my favorite in general...though it really works best when not presented as a joke.

Did you hear that Willie Nelson died? Yeah, apparently he got hit by a car. He was playing on the road again.

Best joke ever. Don't worry, I recognize that my submission is late, so there is no need to send me a purse.