Friday, December 12, 2008

Personal Yom Kippur

I love the idea of Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement. Not being Jewish, I'm not completely versed with how it works, but my understanding is this: Once a year, each person makes good with everyone they have offended or been offended by. I've been thinking this holiday season about the mistakes I have made in my past, and the people I wish I could contact and repair things with. I'm going to use this blog post as an open letter. I wish I could really make things right.

To the person whose truck my van door scraped in the Wal-Mart parking lot: I'm so very, very sorry. The wind caught my door and blew it open. The scrape wasn't very big, and I wanted to write a note, but I didn't have a paper or pen in my car. I went inside to borrow a pen and paper to write a note to put on your windshield, but when I got back, you were already gone. Forgive me for being relieved that I wouldn't actually have to face you.

To every boy I ever dated: I was the world's worst girlfriend, and I'm so sorry. I was mean when I should have been kind. I teased when I should have been sympathetic. I was so concerned about not appearing "easy" that I hardly showed affection. I can't believe any of you stuck with me for any amount of time. I would tell my brothers to dump any girl that treated them like I treated you as quickly as they could. Please forgive me. (As a side note to John: Thank you for sticking it out. Why you did, I'll never know, but I really appreciate it, and after a brief stint as "World's Worst Wife", I'm making a much better showing, wouldn't you say?)

To Mr. Boyle, my sixth grade teacher: I lied to you when I said that my homework was in the other classroom. It wasn't. I hadn't done it. I think you knew this, but I want to come clean anyway. Thank you for letting it not be a big deal.

To the boy (whom I shall not name) that I slapped VERY hard five times across the face on a band bus trip: You were out of line, but I was much more violent that was necessary.

To another guy (whose last name I do not remember) who took me on a date and then scared me while playing tag at a playground: You were right. Slapping (again) was an overreaction. I'm sorry.

To my cousins from Taft, California/Henderson, Nevada: I would like to apologize for all those wild lies I told every time I came to visit. Every. Single. Time. It's true that they were a lot more interesting than reality, but they were still not even close. Sorry.

To the bookclub in Toledo, Ohio: Sorry for all my outrageousness every month. My opinions did not need to be expressed so loudly, so absolutely, nor at such short intervals. I should not have interrupted every time someone else dared to open their mouth. Thank you for still welcoming me when I came back for a baby shower.

I'm absolutely full of apologies today. Do you need one? Who else have I offended?


Millie, Jake, Caroline and Clayton said...

Hey Em!!! What a great idea! That was fun to read. I think I may have to take up that tradition, too. So I found you through Kelly's blog, whose I found through Kristin's blog who found me through Shannon's. I have to ask. In your post about your haircut, you have a friend named Kelly. SHe looks remarkably like a girl named Kelly who lived on my floor in Taylor hall at BYU the year I was an RA and whose last name escapes me. I remember she was from Canada. Would this by any chance be the same gal? I'd love to get back in touch with her if it is - I always thought she was such a cutie! Hope you'll keep in touch - it's always so nice to see familiar faces. Check us out at AND

Mike and Kelly said...

I love you Emilee. You are super Duper Darling. And no you have not offended me. We just love you.

Liz said...

Em how could anyone who knows you ever be offended? Now I am curious as to what kind of wild lies you told your cousins. I hope they were outrageously creative!

Sara said...

Oh man you make me laugh.

Mags said...

i have to admit a little shock. although with me as your friend, i doubt the slapping could have been avoided. maybe we just fed each others fires. oh please tell me who it was you slapped 5 times. and just what warranted such a reaction. i'm going to have to remember yom kippur. i might have to copy it. i'm apologizing in advance for my theft.

Story Family said...

Em, you are still a wonderment and amazement to me. You are so much fun. I'll bet you feel so much lighter airing those apologies for such benign offenses. It is a good idea. Perhaps I need a little self cleansing session too.

And I totally want to know who you slapped five times...

Larissa said...

This is a funny post! I can't wait to hear about your stint as World's Worst Wife.